...just because.

Saddam sees Iraq democracy on TV from cell

...and bursts into wave after wave of uncontrollable laughter.

And hey, why the hell does this guy get a TV in his cell. Half of Iraq doesn't even have power and this guy gets to keep up with "Gilmore Girls"? That just doesn't seem right. I'm of the opinion that Saddam should have ended up a lot more like Hitler. Either committing suicide in a bunker while bombs rained down or sunning himself on the beaches of Argentina (nobody knows which, and therein lies the magic).

Oh, one more thing. Don't you think they could have elected someone not named Talabani? Sounds a bit too much like Taliban, thinks me. I just know there is going to be some sort of wacky mixup in the West Wing that is going to end with a Bush apology (just kidding. Bush would never apologize. That would requiring admitting that he is failable).

O.J. Simpson at Johnnie Cochrane funeral

Overheard: (defensive tone) No, I didn't kill him. (warily) Why? What have you heard?

Fossils make case for human ancestor

This is news? I have several ancestors and as far as I can tell, they are all human. CNN has been slipping recently

And for those who have been wondering (nobody's been wondering) what ever happened with my opening day tickets, I would just like to assure you all that they have arrived. Two weeks ago (maybe three).

I had been quite concerned because it was pretty big news that I was able to secure opening day tix for the fam (translation: tickets for the family). But then day after day passed, and I had found nothing in the mail (well, no tickets anyway. There were bills, but I just throw those out). So finally, about a 10 days before opening day, I call Ticketmaster. I wait on hold for a bit (and they were very sorry for making me wait, which they mentioned once a minute) and then spoke to a delightful representative (no, seriously) who told me that they were coming in an unmarked envelope from Concord, CA and should be there shortly. Well, day after day passed (about 5 days) and no envelope in the mail. It was getting about time to cancel the tickets and get new ones sent, and I was going to do it, but fate shone down upon the Corner of Grace and Wayne.

Let me back up (oh god, there's more to this?)...the father-in-law is freeing of himself of his earthly possesions in preparation for flight from Des Plaines (City of Destiny!) for bluer pastures. Well, his daughter (that would be my wife) got first dibs, and we snagged his stereo right quick. We brought it home and the only task left was to set it up.

We settled on the bookshelf as the only logical place for it (our living room is roughly the size of a postage stamp (the big kind), so options were limited) . However, in clearing off the shelf to set up with stereo, what did we find? You guessed it (I certainly hope), an envelope from Concord, CA. Nobody knows how long that envelope lay there, but one thing is certain: we need to clean up more often.

So, mercifully, this story comes to an end. It wasn't a good story, or an interesting story, but you obviously read it to the end so the jokes on you, loser. Ha ha, just kidding, I don't really think you are a loser (I do).

The point of all this? The hope is that if I ramble on long enough with poor enough punctuation most of you will stop reading and not have to notice that Ryan Dempster is going for the Cubs today, game time 9:05. The season rests on this game, so we'd better win.