Monday, April 11, 2005


How does one spell dirty?


With a dirty, striaght for the knees slide, Carlos Lee has thrust Hairston into a starting role. Walker has sprained his left knee, although how badly has yet to be revealed (sounds bad though). I say that Hairston will assume the starting role, but that may be a bit presumptuous of me. I mean, Macias bring a lot to the table too (he brings nothing to he table). And we can't underestimate the veteran leadership Neifi provides (I mean it is technically impossible to underestimate...that would indicate that Neifi was not at the lower bound of "bringing to the table." And he is. The very worst. ever. seriously).

Anyway, I really do think that Hariston will get the starts and hopefully we will see him start to take off. At this point, he has nowhere to go but up (because it's not possible to hold a negative batting average) and his defense should be an improvement over Walker's. I really like Walker though, so I hope he healthys up and gets back on the field.

Sammy Who?

Sosa. Sorry, I thought it was obvious. You know, based on context? No? Nevermind, the point is that Sammy is doing his best Neifi impression, and is hitting a whopping .200 with one extra-base hit and Zero homers. Maybe they should call him Sammy So-so! (I made that up myself). Meanwhile, his replacement Jeromy Burnitz, has been excellent so far in right while also filling the ugly void that Sammy left when he took his misshapen head off to Baltimore. Granted, Burnitz takes more of a creapy bug-eyed approach to ugly, but he is still well on the butt side of the ugly threshold.

Prior commitment?

I'm thinking that headline alone should establish me as a lock for the Headline Writers HOF, should one exist. I mean, what a play on words! WOW! Anyway, that is neither here nor there. The point is that Prior is "committing" (get it?) to pitch on tuesday unless something crazy comes up that no one could predict (like the desire to not pitch). Hopefully Prior won't pull a Dempster like he did against the Isotopes (the beasts of New Mexico), because we could really use another series win this week. If nothing else, just so this writer can relax a bit.

Nomar swinging at the first pitch?

Okay, this one is tricky, but when you read "Nomar," just try to remember that it sounds like N0-more. Ahhh, now you are seeing the genius of my play on words. It works on two levels, because while I want Nomar to stop swinging at the first pitch, it is also true that Nomar is swinging at the first pitch. Always. And while I think it's great and all, he might want to try and swing at first pitch fastballs, rather than (I don't know) EVERYTHING. And while I totally love all that Nomar brings to the plate, he might want to edge that batting average up above his playing weight. But that is up to him and I don't want to put any pressure on him (I really do).

Hollandsworth needs haircut

I don't really have an article or anything to back this up...I just think he needs a haircut.

Alright, the Cubs play today at 1:20. Dempster is going for the Cubs, so keep one eye on the sky should you be walking down Waveland, lest you take a Padres longball to the head. Going for the Padres is Adam Eaton, who was 11-14 last year with a shaky 4.60 era last year. The Cubs handled him pretty well last year, and hopefully we will see more of the same today.

This weekend's games are discussed over at GROTA. Take a look (have you not added that to your daily read yet? Shame on you, it's much better than this site. They actually grasp basic grammar over there).

Oh, one more thing. I'm predicting Dempster will raise his ERA from 17.18 to 19.08, thereby breaking the curse and propelling the Cubs to their first championship since...1908. This will reveal Dempster to be the chosen one and he will have his head chopped off and mounted next to the goat at The Billygoat Tavern. You can take that to the bank.

Go Cubs!

What was that you were saying about my man Dempster?
As Joe Morgan would say...he just doesn't know how to win
Joe Morgan is an idiot.
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