...so much to say (I'm not really a Dave Matthew's fan, I just post like one on the Internet)

Is there anyone out there that hasn't made the comment: "Another win, another injury." It's becoming a matter of clockwork around the Northside.

I don't know if anyone noticed (nobody noticed) but I was away for the last week and couple of days. Weird things happen when you are in Florida. Your mind starts to go; I think it is a matter of too much sun and too many old people that causes one's brain to dribble out of one's earhole. By the end of the trip I couldn't remember where I put anything. It was time to return to Chicago.

Apparently, weird things happen up north as well when I'm in Florida. Groins separate from bones. Elbows pop...many icky things. How about a quick rundown of the bedlam that breaks loose when I leave my Grace and Wayne roost.

Nomar unable to run in straight line

Mr. Mia Hamm will not be swinging the bat for awhile (wink wink) as he couldn't run 90 feet to first base without separating the groin muscle from the groin bone. heh heh. groin bone. But seriously, all joking aside, groin bone is a funny phrase. It was pretty sweet of Nomar to use the Vulcan Mind Meld to transfer his spirit into Neifi! before heading to the Disabled List. Neifi! has not wasted this fine gift as he has continued his Ted Williams impression into late April (and I'm not referring to that one time when Neifi! stuck his head in the freezer. That was awesome). It's funny because I still pretty much hate Neifi! and get totally annoyed each and every time he does something positive. I'm not sure what I hold against Neifi!. He has never been anything but excellent as a Cub. Maybe it is his ugly swing...probably not really worth analyzing.

It's raining arms

Elbows and shoulders are fleeing from the bodies they so recently occupied. And I don't suppose I can really blame them. Such abuse, such pain. Wood's "bursitis" (That's a type of slip-dress, right?) flared up again and he was pulled after 5 decent innings. Those are probably going to be the last decent innings we see for a couple of weeks as uncertainly has swarmed around Wood's health like a swarm of mutant locusts around an irresponsible scientist. I see a minimum of one missed start in Wood's future.

Chad Fox, the reason they invented the chiche "ticking time bomb", finally blew (in oh-so-many ways). It seemed a little odd that Fox was completely incapable of throwing a strike and couldn't quite surpass the 83 mph mark with his fastball. One might have considered those warning signs, but that is just hindsight I suppose. As often as Fox has been injured, one might also think that he would know that pitching through pain was a bad idea, but I guess he deserves props for trying. It might have cost him his career though. Too bad, I liked the fact that he looked like a cross between Chris Elliot and Paul Giamanti.

Shhhh! Be vewy vewy quite. I'm hunting kitty.

Madison. Hotbed of liberalism. And Den of Kitty-loathing. Evidence of a bizarre distaste of all things feline been an ill-kept secret for many years, ranging from the obvious (billboards read: Spell "cat" backwards, now spell "dog" backwards. Which do you think I like better? --God) to the sublime (WB Madison's most popular program? "Buffy the Kitten Slayer").

Now they are going to allow the hunting of cats. Poor little kittys. This violates my version of vegetarianism: only eat ugly animals. There are some pluses to this, however. Hunting cats means that there will be more rats available for...hunting. Dogs will certainly be happy about this, especially hunting dogs (sorry, that should read huntin' dogs). I worry that all this will tip the delicate cat/dog balance and we are going to face the bloody "Beagle Revolution" that has been in the offing for so many years.

The biggest benefit to all this will be the variety of cuisine available to the residents of Madison, WI. Because, after all...

...

wait for it...

wait for it...



There's more than one way to skin a cat.

awesome.

Oh, and for an interesting (that's "interesting", actually) look at the Cubs offense through 20 games, take a look at goatriders.org.