Monday, May 16, 2005
Steadfastly ignoring the Cubs
Now, since it has become clear to me this last weekend that the Cubs represent all that is evil in the world, I will take a look around the world to find all that is good. And as usual, all roads lead to Star Wars:
'Star Wars' fans celebrate in London
In what could only be described as a nerd orgy (what kind of google ad will that get me?), throngs of Londoneers conveened at the Odeon cinema in downtown London, many arriving at least 12 hours before showtime. To which I remark: Twelve hours?!? What kind of lame as fans are you? You should have been lined up months ago! I hereby strip you of your Official Replica Jedi Lightsabers.
What do I really love about articles regarding the true Star Wars fans? It's tidbits like this:
"Episode III is what it's all about, the fall of Anakin Skywalker. It's the main part of Star Wars. That's why we are here, to be part of the day," said Yvonne Horrocks, who arrived at Leicester Square at 7:30 a.m.
Horrocks was dressed as Princess Leia and her husband, Matt, as a Jedi knight in costumes Yvonne Horrocks spent 18 months making.
18 months? Really? I'm thinking she could have shaved about 17 months off of that production time had she simply gone for the Princess Leia gold bikini from Return of the Jedi. But then I pause and consider the average body type of a Star Wars super-fan, and decide that it was time well spent.
The day of "Star Wars" celebrations began at 6 a.m. with a dawn parade of the 501st UK Garrison of Storm Troopers.
Fans fled in terror from the armored clones, apparently forgetting that Stormtroopers are pretty much incapable of hitting a target, moving or not (unless, of course, the blaster is set to stun). Many fear that the quite installation of stormtroopers in the London streets is just the first step in Lucas's eventual overthrow of the current British monarchy. Many have suspected Lucas of drifting towards the Dark Side for years now, as evidenced by his casual destruction of a once-proud franchise and the adoption of some sort of plastic face-cover over his old face (ala Darth Vader). If you take a look at the picture below, it is clear that his natural face is long gone and all that remains is some sort of hideous mask.
To end this post on a positive note, Star Wars fans will be relieved to hear that early returns on the movie have generally been positive. Of course, it is worth noting that the "generally positive" reviews are coming from Star Wars super-fans, who are under the control of the Lucasfilms Mind Control (tm).
For the three people that made it all the way through that post, please stay tuned for the upcoming preview of the epic Cubs vs. Pittsburgh series, the battle for fourth place!
(if you do stay tuned, be sure to hit refresh every 10 seconds or so)