Democrats and Republicans are wrangling again. Apparently the Democrats feel that Corey Patterson should not be leading off, while House Republicans jumped all over this, calling it a typically un-American move by the Dems.

"Corey Patterson is a true American and this sort of criticism of a hero such as Corey is detrimental to National Security," stated Majority Leaer Tom DeLay*. When questioned on the issue of Patterson's On Base Percentage, DeLay shot back, "Hey, the Democrats just called our soldiers Nazis. What's up with that? This is a time for all Americans to band together, those of on base percentages both high and low. Unless you hate your country. You don't hate your country, do you?"

Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean responded to these comments, noting that Democrats just want to put the issue out there and see if a more intellegent solution can't be found. "We're go to start off with Hairston! And we're not going to stop there, either! He's going to be followed by Walker, Lee, Burnitz, Ramirez, and then Barret, DuBois, and Perez! And then the Cubs are going all the way!! YAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

President Bush** could not be reached for comment at his Texas ranch.



*Mr. DeLay, if you're reading this, please don't go all Patriot Act on me. I'm just playing.

**stupid head.