Monday, August 29, 2005


It's playoff time, baby and it's...

When we left off last time, much adulation was being showered upon the author (that's me) for his amazing offensive turn around. If memory serves, the previous two weeks saw Jason go 7 for his last 8. Bravo, Jason. Bravo.

Would this week see Jason bring more of the same brilliance to the field? Would Jason continue to shine?

Well, I'm not going to just tell you; you'll have to read the whole piece.

(but the answer's going to be yes)

It's playoff time, boys and girls, and this time it really counts. And not in that bullshit All-star game sort of way. No, this really counts. Like, for real. Those evil Boomers, the causers of much teeth-gnashing, were between us and our ultimate goal, the Championship. Would we reach these lofty heights? Only time will tell.
ed. note: You see, the author is pretending to be unaware of the actual final outcome of the playoffs, which ended last week. This literary device, used by many of the best writers, is known as "lying."
It was one of the more terrific games ever played, really. And I'm not just saying that because I went 3-4 on the day. That's the main reason I'm saying it, but not the sole reason. No, it was also a great day because the d0nuts tasted victory. And it tasted sweet. Not so sweet that is was gross, no, but sweet in a way that tasted good. Is that clear?
ed note (again): The author is now using another literary device where he gives away the ending at the beginning. I'm afraid I don't know the name of this device. This device is very useful when the author can't remember any details of the game and doesn't want to admit it. Not that I'm saying that is the case this time. Far from it. Did I meantion we won?
Let's see, what can I remember. ...thinking... Oh yes, I played second today. Below you will find an action shot of me manning my position.

I may not have the best range, but I block most of what I get to.

Getting back to the fun part of the game (hitting), I have just one word to describe it: Line drives. No, wait, "Linedrives". And if I could find just one more word to describe it, it would have to be "a'flyin'". So that gives us: linedrives a'flyin'. Oh, and "awesome". And, I suppose, we can throw in, "Pride of Fermilab".

And handsome.

Devastatingly handsome.

But that's neither here nor there. The point is, I smacked 3 liners and scored each time I was one base. One teammate of mine had an excellent line upon witnessing my second hit: "Looks like Corey was sent to the minors and learned to hit." (or something to that effect)

Ha ha, very funny.

And then I struck out in my next at bat.

Let's not mention Corey anymore, if that's okay with everyone.

Okay, so let's fast forward to the bottom of the 7th. The Boomers were down by 9 in the final frame...not an insurmountable lead, but the d0nuts had pretty much sealed a win. The guy leading off the inning singled to right and right fielder threw the ball in to the cutoff man. Okay, next batter, right?

Oh no. You see, time was never officially called by the ump and so the runner took off for second.

And, oh baby, you'd better believe chaos ensued. There was much yelling and gesturing and amidst the hubabaloo the runner made the turn and headed into third. By the time the ball was finally thrown, the runner was safe at third. Of course, once the dust settled, the ump sent him back to first. Because this is Fermiball.

This was some pretty bad sportsmanship. Time is implied in this league, especially on a clean single to lead off the inning. Like I said, this is Fermiball. If you win, you are the Fermiball. You know, you're King of the Physically Inept. Congrats.

**Note: It was just brought to my intention that this recounting was not entirely correct. In fact, the runner was not *leading off*, he was hitting with two outs. So he risked the last out of a 9 run game to get to third. Just mind boggling. Also, I was reminded that we were being accused of poor sportsmanship for taking walks. Hey, if you don't want us to take walks, then throw a friggin' strike. Geez. (Thanks to the Wife for having a decent memory)**

Why did I mention all this? Well, mainly because this is going to be the theme of next week's installment. Next week, when we go to the next level of bad sportsmanship.

So tune in!

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?