Monday, October 03, 2005


Political Career off to a Rocky Start

The local Graduate Student organization election has come and gone and it wasn't good for Jason.

The Wife and I both decided to run for the GSA, the graduate student counsel here at Fermilab. We both figured it would be a fun thing to do. Mostly it is an exercise in planning parties and finding ways to get free food into the hands of grad students (who, it so happens, live off free food), but more than that it is a springboard into the political arena.

For this writer, however, the political path has become clouded. I blame a flawed system. A system where all that matters is who got the most votes, not who is the best looking. What sort of election process is based on substance and not aesthetics?

Absurd, I tell you.

Just absurd.

All was not lost, though. The Wife pulled out a glorious victory and snatched up one of the five elected positions. She will carry forth the Grace and Wayne name into the seedy political underbelly of Fermi. Our agenda will be advanced.

Oh yes, it will.

*looks upwards thoughtfully*

But with the wife being elected and the husband (that's me) being left on the sidelines, I am put in an unusual position. I am now the Eleanor to her Franklin, the Martha to her George. And so I must carry myself with dignity that my situation demands. I see myself as the Jackie O type. I will exhibit a quiet grace and a style that demands the attention of the American public.

Grace? Yes, grace. Bill, are you listening? You might want to keep an eye on how I handle this, as you are going to be in the same situation in '08.

Grace...that's the key. That and a snappy hat.

Are you saying that your wife is hot, you're not, and that's why she's now an elected official?
Hmm, I think saying that might get me into trouble. I would break it down thusly:

Yes, she's hot.

I'm also too good looking for my own good.

She's an elected official because she, in addition to having a hotness, has a great personality and people always like her. Plus she's super smart.

Reading my post carefully, we see that I say the system is flawed for basing the results on votes received, not looks. Which is just silly.

Were it based strictly on looks, we would both be shoe-ins. Unfortunately, democracy is lame.
You should have incorporated many empty promises, along with a few vague and scary threats. For example,

"if elected, I promise to get you into the audience of American Idol," (always big with the female voters)


"if elected, I promise not to break into your house and wipe boogers onto an object that you are in a lot of contact with"


"if elected, I promise to end corruption and stop crooked politics through the double whammy combination of bribery and coercion."

Yeah, that one always does the trick. You should've hired me to be your campaign manager.
Clearly a big mistake on my part was not hiring you as my manager.

That and buttons. I really should have made buttons.
Buttons with boobies on them. For the male voters.
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