...incorrectly.

Seriously, what the hell? Apparently, "NASA's top priorities are a replacement for the space shuttle and completing the international space station." Oh, yeah, great...sounds wonderful (if a bit boring) until you read the other article in the sidebar:

China plans 2007 space mission

Those sons of bitches are going to beat us! They claim that they are going to send three men into orbit in the next two years with plans to eventually land on the moon! We're losing the Moon Race! First the standardized tests and now this. What happened to America being the great power of the world, leading the way for all to follow meekly behind? America, you're being scooped.

So what's the answer? Is it Bush's plan to colonize Mars and suck out all its precious oil? Is it the Church's plan to disavow the existence of outer-space and rename space "that big, black, speckled thing"?

No, neither of those are going to win us the space race. However, I have the solution. I have the solution and it's a dandy.

Giant Laser.

Yep, a giant laser would do it. Modeled after the Death Star, a really big, round globe-like object would be mounted with a really big laser and set into geo-synchronous orbit. It would remain up there and wait for a non-Free World sanctioned country to try and launch people into space.

Then we laser their asses.

You know, I should really be president.